Because I was way too attractive and I needed to take it down a notch, that's why.
It's all coming back to me now. Braces hurt and make me pissy. Jeff has had to bear the brunt of it and as usual is doing so like a prince. I'd take him out to dinner to thank him except I wouldn't be able to eat anything so I would probably just get angrier.
So far three brackets have popped right off. A google search has informed me that this is something that happens, so I am somewhat reassured. But if there are continued complications this story could quickly devolve from "How I Got Straight Teeth" to "How I Got Taken By Century Dental." We will see. In the meantime, it's an excuse to drink smoothies.